Yesterday I met with Robin Glass our feeding therapist to work with Will on solid feeding. (Side note – he is taking a bit longer to get the hang of it, so we are seeing her for pointers. More in that in another post.) After Will finished his solids session, she sat and watched me feed him his bottle and we chatted. This week has been a difficult one for us, because Will has been cranky, uncomfortable and not wanting to eat very well; Monday being the hardest day.
As I told her about the week she said “it is good that you aren’t letting the fear run away with you. You are acknowledging that you have the fear, which is good, but managing it within the current situation.” I responded by saying that I was trying to do that, because for us the fear of what happened with Jack’s eating is always there. There isn’t anyway it can’t be with all we went through to get him where he is today. I work really hard not to overreact to subtle ups and downs with Will’s eating, since that is normal baby stuff (normal baby stuff?!, we actually get something “normal” for a change.)
I told her that everything that went on 6 weeks ago, his eating dipping down and then recovering after we made some changes to his routine (thickening his formula and more on demand feeding) has helped me realize that he is a different child and I can start to put the fear in the back of my mind. It all came racing forward in early August, but we figured it out and him out and got the ship righted again. Jack never recovered, for him once the downhill slide started it never came back.
The last thing she said to me was Will doesn’t refuse food, he just lets us know when he is done. Will is engaged in the bottle and feeding until he gets full/done and then lets us know. Jack wouldn’t engage, he would eat just enough to get rid of whatever hunger pain he had and then scream to stop. For him he never relaxed into the process which Will does do.
It is so helpful to have her around, even if our visits are more for me than Will. In some way Will’s doctors have become our therapists as well (especially our pediatrician.) I don’t know where we would be without them. Thank you Robin for letting me know it is OK to acknowledge the fear so it will not run away with me.